Three Sigma Systems

As events are demonstrating daily, the rise of zombies is causing serious problems in society today. Urgent action is required. I offer the following white paper on zombie abatement for your immediate consideration.

Zombies have been a societal problem since humans first descended from the trees to wander the African savannas, but up until recently the “living dead” have been little more than a nuisance in the everyday affairs of the living. It is only in recent decades that our zombie problem has reached epidemic proportions. Until now, this blight upon society has gone largely unnoticed. This white paper is an attempt to clarify the nature of the rapidly developing problem of modern zombification and to suggest techniques for abating the rampant rise of zombism.

Zombie Background

Throughout history, zombie management techniques have varied from culture to culture. Ancient Hindu zombies, called Vetala, were known to harass the living, drive them mad and kill their children. Because the Vetala were both immortal and immune to all human emotions, Hindu sorcerers, who controlled them by reciting holy mantras, were fond of employing them as slaves.

Among Scandanavia’s Vikings, the living dead were known as the Draugr.  These “undead” were known to attack and feed upon the living and were capable of superhuman strength. They were readily recognizable by the stench of decay that surrounded them. Viking heros were tasked with managing the Daugr by wrestling them back into their graves. An alternative means of Viking zombie abatement was to behead them and burn their bodies to ashes.

In Mideval Germany, zombies were referred to as the Nachzehrer. The Nachzehrer distinquished themselves from run-of-the-mill ghouls by not only feeding on the flesh of the living but also by stealing their life force, effectively turning their victims into zombies themselves. It is important to note that the Nachzehrer were also capable of shape-shifting, making them more difficult to spot as they wandered among the living. The principle method of Naczehrer abatement was to place a coin in its’ mouth and either behead it or hammer a steak through it’s heart.

The zombies of West Africa were called the Nzumbe, which roughly translated means animated corpse. As with all zombies, the Nzumbe could be readily identified by the odor of rotting flesh. Another defining characteristic was a stiffness in their gait, presumably caused by their having reached a state of partial rigor-mortis.

Nzumbe management was handled by Bokors, the West African Vodou version of sorcerers. A Bokor, either male (hougan) or female (mambo), could not only manage zombies but could also create them with malevolent magic (i.e. black magic) used in conjunction with a zombie astral (a captured human soul). Astrals were stored in bottles for use when needed. As was the case with the Hindu Vetala, Bokors put zombies to work as slaves for fun and profit.

Only a few centuries ago the European slave traders unwittingly transported Bokors and their Nzumbe to the Caribbean, most notably to Haiti where they came to be known by terms familiar to us today—as Voodoo Witch Doctors and their Zombis or Zombies.

Zombies and Modern Science

It is principally in the Caribbean that Western science attempted to deal with zombies by explaining them away as superstitious beings. As we shall see, this “explaining away” itself was superstitious nonsense.

A pharmacological theory favored for some time by investigators was that zombism was a form of poisoning induced by the ingestion of tetrodotoxin (TTX), a powerful and frequently fatal neurotoxin found in the flesh of puffer fish. The obvious problem with this explanation was that it could not account for the ubiquity of zombies in ancient societies that had no access to puffer fish.

Today, the favored theory is that zombism is simply a form of psychological  derangement (now termed “mental illness” for reasons of political correctness). Since virtually any zombie-like behavior—stiff gait, eating human flesh, lack of emotion and empathy, and monomaniacal obsession—can be attributed to mental illness, it is impossible to falsify this theory. Using this circular reasoning, the theorist wishes away the zombie problem by asserting that anyone who acts like a zombie must be deranged because zombies don’t exist.

Zombie Blindness

For most of human history the number of zombies afflicting humans were few and by inhabiting the foggy fringes of people’s awareness and feeding only furtively on the dregs of humanity, zombies managed to go largely unnoticed by all but their immediate victims and their creator/managers—i.e. shamans, sorcerers, seers and bokors. It’s only over past two centuries that zombies have risen to infest modern society.

The reason for the sudden explosion of modern society’s zombie population is quite straightforward. With the rise of the circular reasoning of modern science beginning about 200 years ago, humans took to rationalizing zombies away by thinking of them as superstitious beings, thereby desensitizing themselves to the presence of zombies. Where once our relatively rare encounters with zombies occasioned a very appropriate terror reaction, we have come to explain away the zombies among us by blaming their victims of being mentally ill or, in the case of those who dare to forcibly resist zombie predation, by labeling them criminals.

Today, our self-induced “zombie blindness” has provided zombies with the opportunity to feed more abundantly, increase their numbers and insinuate themselves in into every facet of our daily lives using their shape-shifting abilities. The global havoc we are witnessing today around the globe—economic collapse, wars, famines, poverty, global warming—are, simply enough, due to rampant zombie encroachment.

The principal challenge facing those still living today is threefold.

First, we must re-learn now to recognize zombies.

Second, we must find ways to ferret out the Bokors who are creating and managing the zombies.

Finally, we must develop some method for interdicting the zombification processes used by the Bokors.

Zombie Recognition

Although in times long past, it was easy to recognize zombies by the smell of rotting flesh, today zombie blindness along with their shape-shifting abilities, has made recognizing the living dead among us quite difficult. The key to zombie recognition is to keep in mind that they are incapable of empathic connection with the living.

For example, when you are walking down a busy sidewalk, strolling through a shopping mall or driving on a busy road, observe those around you who fail to make eye contact or who, when making eye contact, stare impassively though you as though you were invisible, showing no human emotion. These walking corpses are zombies and they are many.

You might rightly wonder why these zombies do not attack and devour you on the spot.

Today’s Bokors have invested modern zombies with sophisticated habits. Were their zombies to leap upon the living at every opportunity, the living would rise to fight them, so instead of using their teeth to tear at the flesh of the living, modern zombies suck the life force out of the living by proxy methods and thereby sate their appetite. They then send the astrals of the living for use by their Bokors in the zombification process. The zombies are able to steal the life force of the living by tricking the living into severing their bonds with other life-forces in pursuance of monomaniacal ends—typically money, grades, salary bonuses and commissions, or status objects such as big houses, fancy cars and iPhones.  By promoting an obsessive desire for stuff over human relationships, the zombies are able to undermine the emotional ties that bind the living together in feeling, empathy and reason. Thus divided and disarmed, the zombies are able to drain the life-force from the living so that all that remains is a flesh-bag of perpetual want and desire.

Once a living human is cured of zombie blindness, this sucking-out of the life-force from the living will be readily observed throughout modern society—in government, education, the workplace, religious institutions, volunteer organizations, communities and yes, even families.

Bokor Recognition

It is important to remember that Bokors are not zombies. Instead, they create and manage zombies and benefit directly from their slave labor. Preferring to remain hidden, Bokors live in opulent fortresses and if they must go out, they shun public conveyance. Bokors use the wealth they have accumulated from their slave zombie labor to promote zombie blindness and, of course, the ongoing zombification of the living. The way Bokors see things, zombie slaves are infinitely better than living slaves, who tend to argue, demand rights and are generally mutinous by nature.

Because most of the work of Bokers is carried out by zombie slaves, Boker spotting can be difficult. Their existence must often be inferred on the basis of the behavior of their zombie slaves. Today’s politicians are a prime example of zombies who are in direct contact with their Bokors and who can be relied upon to parrot Bokor ideas and pursue Bokor agendas.

On the rare occassions in which a Bokor does appear in public he or she can be easily spotted by the living by his or her inordinate wealth and the fact that every word that comes out of his or her mouth is absolutely incongruous with the concerns of the living. For example,  when Bokors do pop their heads up they loudly advocate every man for himself competition, war, offshore drilling,  open pit coal mining, the relaxation of pollution control regulations and  capital punishment—all clearly anathemas to the living.

Zombie Abatement

In the past, zombie abatement was simply a matter of getting a bunch of the living together, arming them with pitchforks, axes and shovels, and hacking the zombies into little pieces. But today, because the living have become so few and far between, the first task in zombie abatement is to find members of the living in order to bring them together in small insurgent bands. These islands of the living must then work out a strategy for curing zombie blindness in order to awaken those who have not yet become completely zombified. Only after zombie blindness has been overcome, can the living hope to form groups strong enough to overcome the fortifications of the Bokers, drive them into the open, and disrupt their zombification juggernaught.

The battle ahead is not an easy one. With every passing day the number of living dimishes while the Bokers and their zombies grow stronger. But if we can cure zombie blindness, there is hope.

Zombie Diagnostic Inventory (ZDI)

In order to help cure zombie blindness, I have developed the following diagnostic tool (ZDI) that you can use to determine if someone you know is a zombie, Bokor or among the living. (You can also use it on yourself if you are in doubt.)

Go to ZDI